Thursday, April 16, 2015

7 Big Movies Reviewed in Haiku Form

I am way behind on movie reviews so in an effort to catch up quickly I have decided to write a Haiku for each of the following 7 blockbuster movies. These brief reviews will even make Twitter look long winded.

Cool space idea
Long but I thought it was great.
It will test your brain

8.4 Stars

Mockingjay Part 1
Hiding underground
Fighting evil President
To be continued

7.0 Stars

Hobbit-The Battle of the 5 Arrmies
Smaug made such a mess
Dwarf King has an attitude
Hobbit saves the day

7.7 Stars

Jupiter Ascending
Tatum crazy ears
Protects the heir of the Earth
Could have been much better

6.2 Stars

Taken 3
Someone killed his wife
He uses his set of skills
Milk the series dry

6.4 Stars

Furious Seven
Gang being hunted
So fake yet entertaining
Nice ending for Paul

7.1 Stars

Some of these movies were definitely better than others. Interstellar was the most thought provoking. Mockingjay was a little less entertaining than the prior installments. The Hobit was a solid sequel especially if you like Fantasy films. I was expecting more from the Wachowski brothers with Jupiter Ascending. Taken has started to lose it's appeal and is nowhere near as good as the first one. I was shocked that Furious 7 got such high ratings. It is entertaining and over the top so turn off your reality sensor when the movie starts, but I think much of the praise was due to it being Walker's last film.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015


As is customary for Hollywood, rival studios regularly release similar movies each year. Last year was no exception with the release of "The Legend of Hercules" with Kellan Lutz and "Hercules" starring Dwayne Johnson. I didn't see the first one and it didn't appear to do too well, but I did finally see The Rock's version.

Let me first say that this review may be biased since I have a man crush on Johnson and think he is one of the most charismatic and entertaining guys in Hollywood these days. At first I was expecting the traditional Greek Myth version of Hercules, but I was pleasantly surprised with the direction the movie went. I suppose this is a spoiler alert, but Hercules and his companions are pretty much a group of mercenaries who are watching out for themselves while creating a legendary reputation for Hercules, but it is not due to brute strength or God like powers but rather street smarts, good promoting, and playing on other's emotions.

Despite being compared to modern day con artists, they are still the "good guys" and end up saving the day. This movie had plenty of flaws but it was still enjoyable. It has action, comedy, and Dwayne Johnson. I give Hercules 6.7 stars for it's unique take on the legend.

Monday, February 16, 2015

Summaries of Movies I saw in 2014

Another year has already passed so I am listing the movies I saw in 2014 and ranking them by how much I liked them.

Edge of Tomorrow 8.2
Captain America 2: Winter Soldier 8.1
Guardians of the Galaxy 8.1
Captain Phillips 8.1
Hunger Games: Catching Fire  8.0
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug 8.0
X Men Days of Future Past 8.1
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes 7.5
Non Stop 7.4
The Saratov Approach 7.3
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty 7.2
42  7.2
Divergent 7.2
Mud 7.0
Spider Man 2  6.9
All Is Lost Lost 6.9
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit 6.8
Robo Cop 6.8
Thor The Dark World 6.7
Brick Mansions 6.6
Maze Runner 6.5
Enders Game 6.5
The Giver 6.4
Three Days to Kill 6.3
Godzilla 6.2
47 Ronin 5.5
Noah  4.8
Red Dawn 4.0

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Summer Movies Recap

I admit I'm lazy with this blog, but until someone starts paying me to maintain this site with decent reviews you will continue to get lame, short, and outdated movies reviews. Those are my terms! Here is a recap from some of the big movies from the summer that I failed to post on time.

Godzilla- Schmodzilla. I suppose it was better than the old 50's movies where you could see the strings on the lizard. By the way, it was leaps and bounds better than the Mathew Broderick version years ago. I was really surprised to see Walter White make such a quick departure from the film. I give it 6.2 stars.

 X-Men- Days of Future Past- They did a great job with this movie. Super heroes, time travel, action. The only thing I think they could do better is to find an actor to play Wolverine who could do a better job of getting in shape. I have a hard time taking the role seriously when I see Jackman's flabby body on screen. 8.0 Stars.

Edge of Tomorrow- Loved it. I like Tom Cruise no matter what others say. I think he is one the most charismatic actors of all time. This was a mix of Ground Hog Day and Independence Day. I love time travel and it was well done so I give it 8.2 stars.

47 Ronin- An older movie that I finally got around to seeing on DVD. Major Spoiler Alert: They all needlessly kill themselves in the end to preserve their honor. What the heck? I give it 5.5 stars just for that dumb ending.

Dawn of the Planet of The Apes- This was really good. The special effects were cool. I didn't really relate to or care about any of the human characters. Maybe that is was the director's intention. I learned not to trust the apes with nasty scars that humans have inflicted on them. They may be holding a grudge. I give it 7.5 stars.

Guardians of the Galaxy- This was fun and original (as comic book stories go). I liked the action and there was plenty of humor. The villain was kind of lame but since the movie didn't take itself too seriously, it makes it easier to enjoy and also makes me less likely to nitpick. It gets 8.1 stars.

The Giver- I can't remember a bunch about this but Jeff Bridges is getting old. I usually like movies about futuristic societies and people fighting for their freedom, but this fell a little flat. I give it 6.4 stars.

The Maze Runner- Again a movie with a young cast who are oppressed and fighting against an unknown enemy who keeps them captive in a giant maze. I'm sure the books of all these teen movies were better than the movie. By the way Will Poulter has more defined eyebrows than Famke Janssen. I give it 6.5 stars.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

A Whole Bunch of Brief Movie Summaries

Once again I have seen a bunch of movies over the last several months and failed to write reviews so now I have to smash several two sentenced summaries together in one post. As always beware of spoilers.

Non Stop- Liam Neeson rocks yet again in the role of the old guy who won't take crap from anybody in this airplane thriller. This was an exciting movie and I enjoyed the suspense even though there were a ton of problems with the plot. I also chose not to take offense by who the bad guys ended up being. I give it 7.4 stars.

Mud- aka The White Trash diaries. McConaughey was great in this but it was pretty slow paced and depressing. I really disliked Reese Witherspoon's character even though she is only in the movie for a few minutes. The acting was good but it's not a pick me up movie. 7.0 stars. For any ladies who might care, McConaughey does remove his shirt in this movie as is customary in all of his movies.

Divergent- This was not nearly as "Twighlighty" as I was expecting. The entire cast is very young so I still got some pretty strong teeny bopper vipes, but it was better than I expected. I like almost any movie about the oppressed masses rising up and sticking it a corrupt government. I almost didn't recognize Kate Winslet in this. I give Divergent 7.2 stars.

Captain America: TheWinter Soldier- This was by far the best superhero movie I have seen in years. You know a movie is effective when it can make a villain out of a guy named Bucky. There was something that felt realistic in this movie despite being about a fake superhero who can jump out of airplanes without a parachute. It had just the right amount of humor too. I give it 8.2 stars.

RoboCop- I never saw the first one so I probably missed out on subtle parts of the movie that payed homage to the original. It was better than I thought but Samuel Jackson's character bugged me so bad and I hated seeing Mr. Mom turn evil. I was also shocked that I recognized the little dude from Bad News Bears and Breaking Away after not seeing his face for 30 years. I give it 7.1 stars which is about 3 stars better than I was expecting.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty- I enjoyed it but it was a little slow. It motivated me to want to spice up my life a little and move to Iceland with a skateboard but that would suck so there's no way I'm doing that. Stiller and Wiig had decent performances and it was pleasant enough but I was hoping for a little more. I give it 7.2 stars.

Thor: The Dark World- I can't really remember much about this sequel and that's probably not a good thing. I remember seeing dark elves attack Thor's homeland (sorry nerds, I can't remember what it's called). Anyway I must have been tired when I watched this because it was not too memorable. On a positive note, Loki stole the show again. This movie earned 6.7 stars with me.

Brick Mansions- This is a total remake of the French film District B13 which I really liked. Some scenes are completely identical except for some of the cast being different. This movie is pretty much an excuse for parkour stunts. It was one of Paul Walker's last movies.  It started out great but lost some steam as it went on. The ending was ridiculous so I had to lower my rating down to 6.6 stars.

Spider Man 2- This sequel was really not that great. Jamie Fox looked like Taylor Lautner when he was made up as Electro. I thought I had seen his role before of nerd turned bad guy in Iron Man 3. Harry/The Green Goblin was much creepier in this movie. I think I like Andrew Garfield more than Tobey MaGuire in the role of Spider Man (probably due to the dancing scenes in Spider Man 3) but this still wasn't that great. I can only give it 6.9 stars.

So if you have the chance to see just one of these movies, let me do you a favor and steer you towards Captain America 2.
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