Unicorn City

It finally happened! There have been many times that I've gone to an early showing of a movie and had only a handful of other viewers in the theater with me, but I finally experienced what it is like to be the ONLY person in a movie theater. I really shouldn't have been surprised since I took a gamble on a movie that was a local independent film.

I decided to see Unicorn City despite it not having any critic reviews at Rotten Tomatoes. It's a low budget, locally filmed movie directed by Bryan Lefler who was involved in Napolean Dynomite. He got John Gries (Uncle Rico) to play the villain in the movie.

This is a silly movie about gamers and D&D nerds. In an effort to get a job, the main character attempts to recruit his role playing friends and create a Utopian City up in the mountains called Unicorn City. His nemesis crashes the party and tries recruiting everyone over to his side. While this is taken place, one of the girls in his guild who has a crush on him tries to let him know how she feels about him but he does not reciprocate her feelings.

Unicorn City features many quirky characters much like Nacho Libre and Gentlemen Broncos, but I didn't like this movie as much as any of the previously mentioned films. I think Unicorn City will entertain most people who appreciate this genre and who get a kick out of making fun of gamers who can't differentiate between reality and fantasy. There were 4 scenes I really laughed at:

1. When a character finds broken PVC pipes in a hole that are shaped like a sword. He dramatically pulls it out of a muddy sprinkler hole as if he found Excalibur.
2. The gag costume for the Rhubarb the centaur character was really funny.
3. The fantasy dream sequence the main character has was hilarious and may have been worth the price of admission alone.
4. The little brother played by Kevin Weisman who beats up his brothers was also pretty funny. I thought he stole the show.

Aside from these four things, I didn't really find it to be that funny. It is clever,  silly, and quirky, but not as funny as I had hoped. I was, however, impressed how much the main character looked like my nephew. I give Unicorn City 6.3 stars. From my experience in the theater, I'm guessing everyone must be waiting for it to come out on video before they see it.

The Double

Last night I watched The Double...sort of. At least I turned it on and started it and I also saw the ending. I'm just glad I didn't have to take any test about what happened in the middle of the movie. Below I will share the keen observations I made as I drifted in and out of sleep while "watching" it.

The movie starts out with the FBI spying on and tailing a suspect who is suddenly murdered by a mystery assassin. He has a calling card of slitting his victim's throats and I think he is a Russian spy. Anyway the government tries to enlist Richard Gere to come help them with the case since he is a spy with a lot of experience. They want him to work with a new agent played by Topher Grace. Every time I saw him, I could only think of Venom from Spiderman 3.

The rest of the movie is pretty much a blur, but I woke up at one point because I heard An officer and a gentleman screaming. I looked up to see him pointing a gun at a ladies head threatening her trying to get information from her. I thought that was not very nice of him.

I woke up later during a shootout in a warehouse or industrial building. The Pretty Woman guy and his young partner ended up speaking in Russian to each other so I guess they were both Russian plants that our government didn't know anything about. I hope that doesn't count as a spoiler.

I woke up again to more gunfire and saw Somersby get shot and hunch over and die. Then there was a crane shot panning out at the end.

I forgot to mention that Martin Sheen is in this movie too. He and Richard Gere are both getting older and now have silver hair. Some day I will have silver hair too like them. That is the main thing I learned from this movie. Life is short, remember to live each day to the fullest. I'm not sure if that is the tagline to this movie, but it should be. I give The Double 6.3 stars. I'm sorry I slept through most of it.

My Top 30 Favorite Actresses

A couple years ago I come up with a list of my favorite actors. Since that time, I have been trying to make a list of my favorite actresses, but it is a lot harder than I expected. I find it is hard not to judge an actress by her looks. I think good looks can be one of the things that can makes an actress more appealing to viewers, but I don't want to turn this list into a beauty pageant.

Below is a list of some of the actresses I have enjoyed watching over the years. Please don't take offense because I left many of the old school big names like Audrey Hepburn, Bette Davis, Elizabeth Taylor, and Katherine Hepburn off my list. I'm not claiming these are necessarily the greatest actresses, just ones I usually like seeing in movies.

Charlize Theron
Jennfer Connelly
Helen Miren
Sigourney Weaver
Meryl Streep
Jodie Foster
Natalie Portman
Angelina Jolie
Naomi Watts
Sandra Bullock
Nicole Kidman
Julianne Moore
Halle Barry
Michelle Pfeiffer
Diane Lane
Emma Thompson
Keira Knightly
Judi Dench
Monica Belluci
Gwyneth Paltrow
Vanessa Redgrave
Rachel McAdams
Lauren Bacall
Kathy Bates
Kate Blanchet
Maggie Smith
Julia Roberts
Helena Bonham Carter
Penelope Cruz
Helen Hunt

The Perfect Movie

I've been in a movie funk since December. I want to see more movies, but there are not many in theaters that currently appeal to me. Am I getting pickier or is there just more crap out there these days?

Jack and Jill, One for the Money, The Devil Inside, Abduction, and New Years Eve all come to mind when I mention the word crap. If I had the necessary resources (money and talent), I would just go ahead and make the perfect movie.

You will notice on my rating chart on the side bar that I refer to 10 stars as being the perfect movie. I have never given out a 10 for any movie. My favorite movies come in at 9, so I guess my 9's are really 10's. I'm starting to sound like Nigel Tufnel from Spinal Tap "Ours go to 11".  What I'm trying to say is that the perfect movie does not yet exist. If I were to make it, it would feature all of the following elements:

* A prison break or escape from an oppressive enemy.

* A witness protection program and someone hiding for their life.

* Science fiction elements.

* Some sort of big brother or conspiracy theory.

* Action with great stunts and martial arts.

* Mystery and suspense with several twists.

* State of the art special effects, not just sloppy CGI.
* A script with incredible detail and depth.
* Some comedy and dry humor.
* A complex and mentally stimulating plot that would make Inception look like Dude, Where's My Car.

* On top of all that, it would also have to be realistic.

Once I had successfully incorporated those items together in my movie, I would hire a talented cast. There would be so many big names in my movie that it would make The Expendables look like a low budget Indie film.

It's a shame that Hollywood releases so much sub-par material every month. I challenge the big studios to give me a chance to make a movie. Give me 100 million dollars and Christopher Nolan and Steven Spielberg as my assistants, and I'm pretty sure I could make the perfect movie.

Until that happens, I'm afraid we will just have to take whatever movie scraps Hollywood throws our way.

Chronicle

Chronicle is a movie that fits into the "found footage" genre which includes other movies like Paranormal Activity, Cloverfield, and The Blair Witch Project. The entire film is seen through the eyes of a teenager and his video camera. This movie is about three teenagers who find  a mysterious underground object that appears to be a meteor or some kind of extra terrestrial object. After coming into contact with it, they soon develop powers of telekinesis that get stronger with time.

They go from being able to levitate legos and small items to be able to raise their own bodies and eventually fly. As their powers increase, so does the pressure put on the lead character, who happens to be an unhappy introvert. A series of embarrassments, bullying, abuse, and stress push him over the edge and his dark side comes out as he uses his power for revenge and goes out of control.

I liked this movie for a couple reasons. First it was nice to see relatively unknown actors and made it feel more like actual video footage than it would have been if it starred Daniel Radcliffe. I did think some of the excuses to be recording all the time and certain camera angles were pushing it, but I don't have any ideas on how that could have been done better.

Chronicle taught me some other lessons. First of all, if I am ever given this power, I will not waste it on a school assembly talent show. Second, it is better to be a philosophical dude who has studied the great minds and thinkers of civilization, than an unadapted cypher when you inherit superpowers.

This movie has some cool special effects despite having a very  low budget feel to it. It also has a depressing feel to the movie, but I liked the twist it had for the overused superhero movies that have been so popular. I give it 7.7 stars.

Real Steel

I'll be honest that I was biased against this movie before I ever saw it. After seeing the preview for Real Steel, I thought it looked like Transformers meets Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots or Rocky meets Wall-E. I didn't think I would really get into robots boxing each other so I took my time getting around to seeing this movie.

In Real Steel, Hugh Jackman continues the trend of making me feel like a girly man by showing off his huge vein covered biceps. Luckily he only took his shirt off once. He obviously has more discipline than Jason Strathan and Matthew McConaughey. I'm afraid I'm going to have to start watching more Woody Allen movies so I don't get an inferiority complex about my physique.

Anyway, this movie takes place in the near future and is about a deadbeat dad who is a washed up fighter who owes everyone money as a result of travelling around the country gambling on robot fights. He is friends with the chick from Lost and she is a single babe who hangs out in an empty boxing gym by herself. He finds out that his ex wife died and he is given custody of a son he has never met or had anything to do with. The father and son butt heads since they both have a lot of attitude, but they set out on the road together. They discover an old outdated robot in a junk yard that just happens to be able to beat up any other robot. The trio become successful as an underdog team and end up beating all of their opponents and are finally give the chance to fight Zeus, the worlds greatest fighting robot. (Did this script originate in Japan?). They become friends and it ends happily ever after.

I'll admit that Real Steel had some cool special effects. I liked how they were able to make a giant clunky robot dance. I thought Jackman, Lilly, and the kid had decent performances but I just had a hard time getting into it. Most people I've talked to liked it, but I can only give Real Steel 6.7 stars. Maybe it was just too much product placement.

Moneyball

I recently saw Moneyball staring Brad Pitt. As a result of the movie's title and the main actor's name, I keep wanting to call it Money Pit, but that is an old Tom Hanks movie. Anyway, I'm glad I saw Moneyball because it is a good movie.

It is based on a true story about Billy Beane who is the manager of the Oakland A's and his struggle to build a winning baseball team and compete against professional clubs that had much more money and talent at their disposal.

Brad Pitt was great and all the performances were good, but I'm wondering why Robin Wright gets top billing with Pitt if she is only in the movie for a total of 2 minutes. Hats off to her agent. I liked Jonah Hill's performance, but I was really surprised with Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I didn't even recognize him for a few minutes as the fat, old coach. I like him in everything I've ever seen him in. It was also strange and kind of distracting seeing Chris Pratt in a serious role. I'm used to seeing him as an incompetent shoe shine boy in Parks and Recreation.

Moneyball is a well told story. It is kind of slow paced and is not over the top like many sports movies. I felt it was a motivating movie, but I felt kind of bad for Pitt's character. He came across as being tormented and just didn't ever seem satisfied or happy. I kind of wish it could have ended like an episode of CHIPS with a freeze frame of him smiling. I give Moneyball 7.9 stars, and by the way, it is much better than The Money Pit.