Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Perfect Movie

I've been in a movie funk since December. I want to see more movies, but there are not many in theaters that currently appeal to me. Am I getting pickier or is there just more crap out there these days?

Jack and Jill, One for the Money, The Devil Inside, Abduction, and New Years Eve all come to mind when I mention the word crap. If I had the necessary resources (money and talent), I would just go ahead and make the perfect movie.

You will notice on my rating chart on the side bar that I refer to 10 stars as being the perfect movie. I have never given out a 10 for any movie. My favorite movies come in at 9, so I guess my 9's are really 10's. I'm starting to sound like Nigel Tufnel from Spinal Tap "Ours go to 11".  What I'm trying to say is that the perfect movie does not yet exist. If I were to make it, it would feature all of the following elements:

* A prison break or escape from an oppressive enemy.
* A witness protection program and someone hiding for their life.
* Science fiction elements.
* Some sort of big brother or conspiracy theory.
* Action with great stunts and martial arts.
* Mystery and suspense with several twists.
* State of the art special effects, not just sloppy CGI.
* A script with incredible detail and depth.
* Some comedy and dry humor.
* A complex and mentally stimulating plot that would make Inception look like Dude, Where's My Car.
* On top of all that, it would also have to be realistic.

Once I had successfully incorporated those items together in my movie, I would hire a talented cast. There would be so many big names in my movie that it would make The Expendables look like a low budget Indie film.

It's a shame that Hollywood releases so much sub-par material every month. I challenge the big studios to give me a chance to make a movie. Give me 100 million dollars and Christopher Nolan and Steven Spielberg as my assistants, and I'm pretty sure I could make the perfect movie.

Until that happens, I'm afraid we will just have to take whatever movie scraps Hollywood throws our way.

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