Thursday, December 12, 2013

Red Dawn

I recently saw the remake of Red Dawn on Amazon streaming and I am so grateful I didn't waste time or money to see it in the theater. This was by far the worst movie I have seen in years. It made the original 1984 version, which was only mediocre, look like a masterpiece.

I felt insulted as I watched this fake, hard to believe, and sloppy movie about North Koreans invading the US. The enemy parachutes into a small town and quickly take over with little resistance except for a handful of teenagers who manage to escape into the woods. They end up fighting against the invaders and eventually defeat them with the help of three marines who show up towards the end of the movie.

I am a proud American and don't mind patriotism, but this movie was just stupid and embarrassing. My intelligence was insulted and I am now even stupider than I was before for sitting through the whole thing.

I give it 4.0 stars just because I was relieved to find out that Subway Sandwiches will be going strong in the event of a communist invasion against our country.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Hunger Games Part 2 and Captain Phillips

I recently watched the Hunger Games: Catching Fire and for some reason I keep wanting to call it's suffix "Breaking Bad" instead of "Catching Fire". I actually saw another movie before this one but I can't remember what it was. Dang, it's really bugging me. I think it was good, just not as memorable as the Hunger Games sequel. I remember now! It was Captain Phillips and it was also pretty good so never mind what I just said.

In the tradition of writing lazy reviews which you have probably gotten used to over the last year, I think I will combine these two movies into one review.

If you like teens hunting each other or pirates hunting down giant freighter ships, then either of these movies will do for you.

If you like elite green beret teams using night vision goggles to take out kidnappers, then I recommend Captain Phillips.

If you like movies about unjust governments abusing their citizens and youngsters rising up to stick it to the man then you will probably like Hunger Games more.

If you like Tom Hanks speaking like a Kennedy for the first half of a movie then you will like Captain Phillips.

If you think Phillip Seymour Hoffman is a great actor, but has some crazy long eyebrows (not being critical, mine are starting to do the same thing), then Hunger Games is for you.

If you can't get enough of Stanley Tucci's over the top portrayal of the equivalent of a futuristic Entertainment Tonight Host, then Hunger Games it is.

If you like hearing a scrawny Somali thug repeat himself by saying things like "look at me, look at me.." or : maybe in America, Maybe in America" Then go for Captain Phillips.

If you like WWE when they have a battle royale, then you will probably like Hunger Games since it is kind of the same thing with 24 participants going after each other in the square circle so to speak.

Either way you can't go wrong. Both of these movies were really good. I give Captain Phillips 8.1 and Hunger Games: Breaking Bad 8.0 stars. And yes, I can give stars. I may not be a professional critic but I've been doing this for over 5 years now.

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