Noah

I have been looking forward to seeing Noah for several months and finally saw it last night. After watching it, I felt like I had been duped. I thought the trailer looked good, and I assumed it would follow the story of Noah from the Bible. The movie should have started by saying "inspired by the account of Noah."  I came away feeling like the writers and/or director were secretly trying to irritate believers.

Let me first say I was totally expecting Hollywood to take artistic liberties with the story but not to the extent they did. I've frequently heard people complain when a movie is made about a book they loved and it doesn't follow the story-line like it should. I now know how they feel.

I knew I was in trouble at the beginning of the movie when it showed areas of the earth men had destroyed and left desolate with tree stumps and small pools of polluted water. Right then my Spidey senses suspected a blatant environmentalist message coming, and the writers did not disappoint. 

I understand many people go to the movies just for entertainment's sake, and there are people who don't believe in God and think the stories in the Bible are mere fairy tales. Some of these people might think Christian critics are overreacting to the movie or are too critical. Perhaps I am but, if you are a Christian and believe the story of Noah, here is a list of doctrinal inconsistencies from this movie that may surprise or possibly offend you.

Warning! Spoilers follow!!

1. Methuselah appears to be more of a wizard than a prophetic patriarch. He helps Noah get answers from God by putting him into a drug-induced state so he can see a vision.

2. There are giant rock "angels" who look like mineral Transformers in this movie. They move and sound like the Ents from "Lord of the Rings." Apparently, they were fallen Angels who God cursed, and they ended up helping Noah build the ark. Who knew?

3. Men are evil in this movie and need to be destroyed, not so much because they are wicked, disobey God, and reject his prophets but because they eat animals and no longer take care of the earth.

4. Noah's sons don't have wives in this movie, and there is only one young woman (an adopted daughter) who boards the ship with them.

5. The king of the wicked men, Tubal Cain, is a stowaway on the ark and is aided by Noah's son Ham and nearly overthrows Noah.

6. Noah turns into a crazed man who is determined to kill the newborn twins of his son while on the ark, since he believes God wants the human race wiped out. He intends to let the animals repopulate and then he is to make sure the human race is extinguished as his family members eventually die off.

7. There was a short montage about the creation that showed the evolution process with animals and life forms progressing. Surprisingly, they later mention Adam and Eve were created in the Creator's image, and we didn't have to see them evolve from monkeys.

8. While there is reference to a creator, God is never mentioned in the movie.

I like all the actors in this movie, there were good special effects, and I was really looking forward to seeing Noah, but I came away let down. If I had to sum up my disappointment for this movie I would do so with the phrase "rock transformers". If you are looking for a sci-fi fantasy movie with no preconceived notions, I would give it 7 stars. If you want an account of Noah from the Bible, then I would give it 4.8 stars.

3 Days to Kill

I recently saw 3 Days to Kill and I thought it was entertaining. The movie got off to a great start and had more potential than it finished with. I enjoyed most of the movie but there were several things that bothered me about it. I will list them each below along with the percentage of how much they distracted me. There were many things that bugged me but I have learn to cut any movie that Luc Beeson is associated with some slack and just try to enjoy it. That being said, here were the five big distractions for me.

1) The scarf (10%)- Kevin Costner was good in this role but what's up with wearing the stupid scarf for most of the movie? He's a CIA killing machine and he wears a poofy scarf? One of my favorite scenes was when he finally changed clothes into a suit and ditched the scarf.

2) The birth scene (10%)- The movie showed the world's most unrealistic birth scene I've ever seen. The lady giving birth appeared to be fully dressed during her delivery. Someone said "here it comes" and then within 5 seconds they hand a clean dry baby who was born without an umbilical cord to a family member to hold. I'm not pitching for bloody or graphic birth scenes, but please don't insult me with such a simplistic attempt.

3) Passing Out scenes (15%)- Kevin Costner's disease causes him to pass out at the most inconvenient time. Each time he is about to kill the bad guy he would fall down paralyzed. The first time it made sense, the second time I reluctantly allowed it. The third time I felt like I was being abused.

4) The sexy CIA boss (25%)- His superior is a cocky girl who looks like she's in her early 20's. She is played by Amber Heard and spends more time dressing up and changing outfits than she does working. Her "cool" act is just way too blatant and I had a hard time with her.

5) The Daughter (40%)- The girl who played his daughter really bugged me. I think I saw her in Ender's Game too. I'm sure she will be in a ton of movies in the future. I don't care how successful she may become but I am not a fan. She just bugs me. It was hard to care what happened to her.

I know I am picking this apart and being critical, but if you can overlook the five things mentioned above then you may really like this movie. There is still some good action and humor. I still liked it and give 3 Days to Kill 6.3 stars.