Transformers 2

I wasn't a huge fan of the first Transformers movie, but I thought I'd give Revenge of the Fallen a shot. I was anticipating a mindless action movie with lots of cool special effects but I got so much more. I noticed a few people walked out of the movie towards the beginning. I wish I would have followed their example. Why? Where to begin? Here are 7 reasons.

1) I knew I was in trouble when all the little Decepticons came alive in his house towards the beginning of the movie. That dumb scene reminded me of a mechanical tribute to Gremlins, which is another movie that thought lots of mischievous and obnoxious creatures would be cool or funny. Wrong.

2) The multiple scenes featuring dogs humping each other, robots humping someones leg, testicle jokes, John Turturo pulling down his pants for no reason to expose a jock strap he was wearing, and farting robots. This film was classy from start to finish and I was the the idiot that took an 8 year old with me to see it!

3) According to this movie, all women who attend college, have perfect figures and are models. I'm just trying to stand up for all the ugly college students who were completely ignored in this movie. Speaking of stereotypes, if you are a guy in the military, then you are a buff dude with rugged features who is also a model. The only ugly people in society are nerds and villains.

4) Megan Fox is totally unbelievable as an auto mechanic and as Shia LeBeouf's girlfriend. She spends the last half of the movie running through the desert in Egypt (in slow motion) being shot at and nearly killed in multiple explosions, yet her white pants and makeup magically repair themselves in each scene.

5) The wanna be drama that is forced upon the viewer is insulting. Are the multiple slow motion montages with dramatic music and American flags waiving in the background really supposed to move me to tears or take this movie seriously despite it's total lack of substance? Did I mention excessive use of slow motion?

6) I'm a guy and I love special effects, cool sounds, and action, but 2 and a half hours of non stop CGI machines fighting each other gets old. It made me appreciate people like Alfred Hitchcock who could make an entertaining movie without having to resort to special effects and action as the only draw.

7) Every single transformer in the movie bugged me. The good ones, with their serious speeches, the evil ones with their cliches, and the annoying little ones. Speaking of stereotypes, they even had some ghetto Transformers who spoke with Ebonics. Another one had a Jersey accent. That makes sense for Robots from outer space.

This movie was obviously targeting 11 year old boys. I don't know what I was expecting from a movie based on toys. I just hope when Michael Bay directs a movie about Legos, Lincoln Logs, or Rockem Sockem Robots, it is not this bad. I am going rate this movie by how many times I checked my watch during it, which was 5. I give it 5.4 stars.